What is most important in a life?

I just read the very public diary of someone who is hurting pretty badly — been betrayed and is looking to finding value in themselves, working to heal and reaffirm their self-esteem through words and pictures. I have no idea if those pictures posted are of her or taken from Unsplash of someone who she aspires to emulate in some way — but it doesn’t really matter in the end, we try to find our motivation and inspiration to love ourselves in different ways and what matters is that we love and live life to the extent that we can. Endings are just new beginnings — take that and grow your own new super power from it.

At the same time I dont want to pontificate or come across as patronizing at all — but having gone through stuff before in my life including broken relationships, health scares and crises, growth in understanding myself and so on, I have a couple thoughts/questions to impart:

• what makes anyone think 36 is middle age? I’m 58 and I believe I’m in middle age and getting better — smarter, funnier, more grounded and focused than ever. Comparing me now to my now childlike 36 year old self is equal to that 36 year old being compared to my infantile 16 year old self — I’m letting the big head do the thinking instead of the little one, and being a lot more empathetic to everyone around me. I’m continually realizing that the limits, the boundaries to my potential I was told that existed — they don’t. There are no limits to my potential. There are no limits to your potential if you are willing to stretch and push yourself out that far. The values and limits my parents imparted were just the foundation that I am continually building on, and what I am today and demonstrating I can be I hope will be the foundation for my three boys to take further and be more impactful in their lives than I have been in mine.
• I encourage everyone to compare yourself at 36 to your 26 or 16 year old selves and realize the measure of inner beauty you’ve developed and continue to develop. Our self esteem as children is very much in tune with how others view us from outside, but growth and maturity, especially with the responsibility of nurturing a mini-me from birth to adulthood requires that we recognize an intellectual and emotional depth in ourselves and others, and to grow that depth — it makes any outer beauty much more radiant and apparent to everyone including yourself when you have that depth of character and intellect. Live with the knowledge that you affect everyone around you profoundly.
• At the same time, attack life with the vigor of a 21 year old — you are still that person except with more experience and by extension more fearless. Dont let age keep you from being you — its just a number and a sum of the experience you have had and will have on this planet. If anything, use it to gauge how much you have accomplished and how much you have left to do here.
• Be the example of grace for your kids and show how to grow into an ever more complete person with diverse interests — develop the intellectual and emotional intelligence to not just realize that an ending of a relationship is owned by both parties involved and blame is shared, but that this is absolutely the best for everyone. People aren’t cars to be traded in just because a newer sexier model just hit the market — the person who does this to another is toxic and shouldn’t be trusted by you or the new one.
• Think now about what you are looking for in life and in all the people you would like to share your life with. What are the qualities in your closest friends you value most? Your family? What distinguishes acquaintances and work colleagues from people you call friends? How important is raw attraction versus intellectual and emotional connection?
• No matter how much you might hurt from a betrayal, you have the strength to grow from it and move beyond that relationship. You will learn to distinguish between the genuine people and the manipulative sociopathic people. Keep those who are genuine close to you and trust them absolutely; keep everyone else at least arms length if not further away. Dont let yourself become bitter, cynical and manipulative — be the person open to experience life in every way that I think you would wish your daughter to be. Don’t be irresponsible, but don’t be afraid either. Be fierce in living your life and reclaim your zest for it. Dance to the music in your soul like no one is watching, and then watch those around you dance with you. Bright lights attract people, and you can keep the good ones close to you for the duration of your light.

I’m constantly reminding myself of those points above. No matter how much you know, you need to be able to emotionally set aside the desire for your pound of flesh, your retribution, and move on with an open heart. Look at the number that is your age and recognize it as the measure of what you have experienced in your life, and a motivator to how much is yet to be experienced. Drive towards completing yourself, and through that you become an inspiration for all those around you to do the same.